Stuck in the Middle

 

Stuck in the Middle

by Caiden Garner

I’ve always felt behind in life. Like I’m never on the same page as anyone else—maybe not even in the same chapter. It’s like the world keeps moving forward while I’m still flipping back, rereading lines I never understood in the first place.

I scroll through posts, overhear conversations, and see classmates getting engaged, married, or even expecting children. And while I know deep down that’s not the life I want right now, part of me still feels... behind. Truthfully, those things sound like my biggest nightmare. I’m scared of commitment. I’m scared of giving someone all of me when they can’t even give me half of what they have to offer in return.

More than that, I’m scared of repeating history. Of making the same mistakes my parents did. Of failing my future children. Of becoming the kind of mother who leaves her kid emotionally stranded in the same way I feel right now—eighteen years later, still aching in places I don’t know how to heal.

Sometimes, the idea of love seems nice. The thought of getting married or having kids flickers in my mind for a split second—but that’s all it ever is. A flicker. Nothing that stays. Maybe that’s because it’s not what I want right now. Or maybe that’s just what I tell myself.

This stage of life is strange. Confusing. There are so many directions I could go in, but I feel frozen. Like if I take the wrong step, I’ll fall even further behind. But standing still isn’t helping either. Maybe that’s the real heartbreak of it all—I’m scared of being behind, and yet here I am... already behind again, just standing in the middle, unsure of where to go next.

But lately, I’m starting to realize something: not everyone is on the same page. Not everyone is even reading the same story. And maybe—if I look closely enough—that’s the quiet beauty of life. How boring would it be if we were all living the same version of the future?

Still, I can't shake this feeling that I’m stuck in the middle of the book of life. And maybe that’s where I belong. The middle. The in-between. Not racing ahead, not falling too far behind. Just here. Maybe I’m not meant to finish the story first—maybe I’m just meant to help others make it to their next chapter.